The Goat Sucker

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I watched a television show of Drug Detectives working some cartel cases where everyone was sexy, wore stylish clothes and drank margaritas on the beach while they watched the sun set. I think it was called Graceland. My experience as a Drug Detective, if it was made into a show, would be more like a cross between Justified, Dirty Jobs and Family Guy. As a real life Drug Detective a considerable amount of my time and effort is consumed eradicating … Read More

My Dead Cow Welcomes You

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Pedro lived on the outskirts of a nice upscale small town on a dusty, dirty, little acre of land. At the end of a long dusty driveway filled with holes and debris, was Pedro’s humble house of gray cement. It appeared Pedro did not have a lot of friends. Was Pedro’s lack of friends due to his anger at Darla? Darla, who was Pedro’s closest neighbor, had won last months beautiful yard award. Perhaps Pedro was angry the yard committee … Read More

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

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In 1955, Officer Joseph S. Dorobek submitted, “To Protect and to Serve” to the Los Angles Police Department, which was adopted as their motto. Police Officers throughout the United States also quote it daily, being sarcastic or not, because it sums up a complicated job in a few words. My Chief took his interpretation of the motto to a new level. For some reason the Chief believed that the Police Department needed to “protect” the citizens from pigeons. The city … Read More

Officer of the Year

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As the Christmas holiday approaches, our police department, like many throughout America, Officers are given the opportunity to vote for the Police Officer, Dispatcher and Reserve Officer of the year. There is also a “Toilet Seat” of the year award which is for preforming the most stupid thing possible, without getting the department sued, which I have proudly won. In December, our Chief claims that he accurately tallies the entries provided by the department and the employees with the most … Read More

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

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I believe they are called corn fritters, small balls of deep fried corn bread batter with diced onions and whole kernel corn mixed in, which taste amazing with my fish. I catch my own fish, but not with neon pink or orange colored marshmallows, or sacrificing worms in-prisoned in a styrofoam cup of dirt. The thought of impaling a worm, squirming in pain onto a hook to marinate in temperate waters just does not appeal to me. I prefer catching … Read More